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Have you ever sung Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to a kiddo at bedtime?
Almost every night for the last 10 years Maile and I have taken turns singing to Anais at bedtime. It’s such a sweet ritual that I can hardly believe she still allows it much less requests it. But it still works its magic, on her and on us.
Sitting at her bedside singing softly, star-shaped night-light projected around, stuffed animals looking back in cozy bunches, we’re wrapped in lullaby land’s peaceful completeness and the noisy world is silent for a moment until we tiptoe out.
Maile does a much better job than I do with her gorgeous renditions of Sweet Baby James or Teddybear Picknick. I, on the other hand, am always trying to remember some obscure tune and forgetting the lyrics, humming some improvised ending.
One night a few months ago I was making up this song as Anais fell asleep. It was such a perfect, full moment that I couldn’t stand the thought of letting it slip away, forgotten.
But of course, she is moving on as I am trying to hold on, and this story ends the way it does every evening, Anais asleep, me, singing to myself.
Singing To Myself
I’m sitting here singing to you as you fall asleep
Imaginin’ what you’ll be like when you’re old like me
Just maybe you will have a kid you’re singing to
Just maybe you will be thinking all of these things too
How can I hold on, how can I hold as you fall asleep?
How can I hold on, how can I hold to a moment so sweet?
And I’m left here singing to myself
And as you sing I’ll be punchin up my seventies
What hope have I for still holding to this memory?
How can I tie a ribbon round a breath of air?
How can I save this moment like a lock of hair?
How can I hold on, how can I hold on as I watch you sleeping?
How can I hold on, how can I hold on to something so fleeting?
And I’m left here singing to myself
Time, damn time, keeps rollin on
But I wouldn’t want to stay anywhere too long
Cause I know you got to go and good things go wrong
When you don’t let them grow beyond the garden wall
So I get up, and tiptoe out into the hall
And take it in, one more time before my curtain call
Try to hold on and it’s already gone
Grab my guitar and try remembering my song
How can I hold on, how can I hold on and make it last longer?
I cannot hold on, so I write this song, make a memory stronger
I cannot hold on, I cannot hold on, I’m falling headlong for her
And I’m left here singing to myself
