Have you ever sung Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to a kiddo at bedtime?

Almost every night for the last 10 years Maile and I have taken turns singing to Anais at bedtime. It’s such a sweet ritual that I can hardly believe she still allows it much less requests it. But it still works its magic, on her and on us.

Sitting at her bedside singing softly, star-shaped night-light projected around, stuffed animals looking back in cozy bunches, we’re wrapped in lullaby land’s peaceful completeness and the noisy world is silent for a moment until we tiptoe out.

Maile does a much better job than I do with her gorgeous renditions of Sweet Baby James or Teddybear Picknick. I, on the other hand, am always trying to remember some obscure tune and forgetting the lyrics, humming some improvised ending.

One night a few months ago I was making up this song as Anais fell asleep. It was such a perfect, full moment that I couldn’t stand the thought of letting it slip away, forgotten.

But of course, she is moving on as I am trying to hold on, and this story ends the way it does every evening, Anais asleep, me, singing to myself.

Singing To Myself

I’m sitting here singing to you as you fall asleep
Imaginin’ what you’ll be like when you’re old like me
Just maybe you will have a kid you’re singing to
Just maybe you will be thinking all of these things too

How can I hold on, how can I hold as you fall asleep?
How can I hold on, how can I hold to a moment so sweet?
And I’m left here singing to myself

And as you sing I’ll be punchin up my seventies
What hope have I for still holding to this memory?
How can I tie a ribbon round a breath of air?
How can I save this moment like a lock of hair?

How can I hold on, how can I hold on as I watch you sleeping?
How can I hold on, how can I hold on to something so fleeting?
And I’m left here singing to myself

Time, damn time, keeps rollin on
But I wouldn’t want to stay anywhere too long
Cause I know you got to go and good things go wrong
When you don’t let them grow beyond the garden wall

So I get up, and tiptoe out into the hall
And take it in, one more time before my curtain call
Try to hold on and it’s already gone
Grab my guitar and try remembering my song

How can I hold on, how can I hold on and make it last longer?
I cannot hold on, so I write this song, make a memory stronger
I cannot hold on, I cannot hold on, I’m falling headlong for her
And I’m left here singing to myself

This mantra is also a riddle, being a double negative - no more bad things - which eludes to the next trick, to do more good things. This is why the song itself has two distinct parts, the frenetic ska song about all the ways gigs turn shitty, and the relaxed ending, about how to set up ideal settings for enjoyable situations. The first half is a fed up young man getting older, shaking his fist at all the bullshit, while the second half is a slightly wiser man, choosing to steer clear of the bitterness the bullshit has brought. Because you can't just quit your job, you have to find and make a better job.

Learning to say no to dumb, draining situations is certainly a difficult and ongoing challenge made more challenging because it can lead first to an empty space where nothing happens. This can be extremely refreshing, especially for a chronic over-commiter with a fear of missing out. One of the toughest parts about saying No to shitty gigs is fear of no gigs at all. And behind that waits the fear of having to do for yourself what noone else is going to do for you.

I know for me I may have never found the courage to unplug from the shitty-gig machine if I hadn't had a kid. When Anais was born I had to say no to almost everything else for quite a while. But I had a baby that needed me, so it was an enchanting if exhausting, tradeoff. It gave me time and space to dream up what was beyond the shitty music gigs I'd stopped playing, to having to getting to put on my own gigs, and partner with people that shared my vision for what they could be.

After five years of production, I launched MANTRAS on New Year's Eve, Dec. 31, 2018 because it is an album of resolutions. You can stream it below or at Spotify, YouTube, iTunes, and purchase at CDBaby or Bandcamp. For hand-decorated CDs and t-shirts, buy em right here, directly from me.

MANTRAS uses reggae and ska-infused tunes to chant my intentions, like...

• No more shitty gigs
• Get Outside
• No more waiting to be discovered
  No more waiting to get signed
• I use my system to capture information
  I use my system to structure inspiration
• Show up for practice
• Everything's connected, everything's changing
  Pay attention, this is what it's like right now
• Keep your word and do your best
  Don’t take it personally or make assumptions
• I'm not gonna to try to change anyone but myself

My dreams of having a horn section came true working with Mark Gonzalez, the trombonist and arranger for Grupo Fantasma, Brownout and others.

Robert helped me turn my sketch of my dreaming head with repeating thought bubbles into a great graphic that can be filled with the mantra of your choice. Maile, Anais and I decorated the first 50 CDs by hand with watercolors.

I made tees and stickers for patrons and fans, and this site now features a shop where you can purchase all the j stuff.

For the third time, I am grateful to have recorded my album with Thomas "Tbone" van der Brook at Tonehaus. In the video above are Gray Parsons on drums and Doug Snyder on bass (getting sounds at the original recording session in 2013) who supported me every step of the way personally and musically. And I would likely not have finished if not for months of great help from Danny P. finalizing and mixing. Thank you all, my brothers in music.

Big thanks to Mark “Speedy” Gonzales for arrangements and trombone parts, and to Dan Bechdolt (sax) and Kevin Flatt (trumpet), especially for their trippy solos on I'm Not Gonna Try. Thanks to Derek Morris for playing keys on few tunes, especially for such perfect accompaniment on Bright Eyes Shine. Thank you, Karla and Maile and Anais for singing backup on several tracks. Thanks to Brad Bell for mastering. And thank YOU for checking it all out, I hope you enjoy the tunes!

Gray and J will be performing their new albums while Rob spins gourmet pizza out of his wood-fired cob oven. Minor Mishap will perform throughout the evening with a dramatic conclusion at midnight.

FEATURING Minor Mishap Marching Band!

Space and food are limited. RSVP required. 100 tickets total. Get yours NOW!

This will be an old-school backyard party. Original, live music, great musicians, handmade pizza, firepit, beer, and party spirits at the Pennsylvania Ave. compound.

Open your mind, leave your ego behind. Dress like a star and BYOB. Wear a warm jacket. Kids welcome. Prophets and psychics provided.

Gray's "Eternal Return" and J's "MANTRAS" are ready for this weary world bringing transcendence and transformation. Join us in celebrating their earthly arrival upon the threshold of the New Year.

Listen to singles from their albums:

• Gray's Thought Like Birds.mp3
• J's No More Shitty Gigs.mp3

Connect with the collective and feel the love as these brothers bring the diamonds they have mined to a dazzling celebration of years of creation.

Have you voted yet? I'm lucky enough to have an early voting station in the lobby of my office building, so I already got to cast my ballot in what feels like the most consequential election of my lifetime. Precarious times.

For me, this is not just about hoping to snatch democracy from the jaws of tyranny but the future of the planet from the claws of those that deny climate change.

When my buddy Ron recently put out the call to make some art to get out the vote, I said "I'm in!" So he sent me some lyrics, aimed at getting younger folks out, to make into a song.

I made a few little adjustments - worked some of Pete Seeger's participation in - and cranked out this one-minute punk rock Vote song. Please share.

Vote!

You will listen to bad music
You will wear dumb clothes
You will sport extreme haircuts
You will awkwardly make out
Who cares. It doesn’t matter. You’re young.
One day you’ll look back
At all those selfies
And laugh your ass off

But not voting is different

It really matters
It’s never mattered more
Only way to save the nation
is participation
Your chance to stand up
and save the planet

Get off your ass and vote
Get off your ass and vote
Get off your ass and vote
Vote Vote Vooooooooote!!!

by Jeff and Jane and J