Author: j

My boundary detector is acting up today
I can’t get a good reading off anything you say
I thought that when you smiled it meant that we were cool
But now I’m gettin signals I broke some sort of rule

I need you to help me take some readings
help me calibrate this thing before I hurt some feelings
I need you to help me read the scene
before I do more damage and say something I don’t mean

boundaries, boundaries
surrounding me, confounding me endlessly

My boundary detector is setting off alarms
Calling for security and locking up my heart
It promised to protect us, keep us safe and sound,
But when the lines got blurred it tried to turn you down

I need you to help take some readings
help me calibrate this thing before I hurt your feelings
I need you to help me read the scene
before I do more damage and say something I might mean

boundaries, boundaries
surrounding me, confounding me endlessly

My boundary detector is learning all the signs
The tones that are closed, the invite in your eyes
Wait for me up ahead, I’m slow but I’m true
I tunin my instruments to make my way to you

I need you to help me let you in
help me understand where I end and you begin
I need you to help me disappear
let go of myself so    I can let go of my fear

boundaries, boundaries
surrounding me, confounding me endlessly

I took the photo above of street art in Lisbon in the summer of 2022. I snapped several of this artist’s continuous line graffiti faces. The street art was wonderful and this artist was one of my favorites.

At our weekly meetings, our boss likes to end with a question that gets us all sharing something about ourselves. Questions like:

• What was your first job?
• What’s your favorite TV theme song?
• What’s one of your useless talents?

I loved this last question both because it prompted such fun answers from the team and because I got to share that one of my useless talents is that I can and regularly do make a song out of anything. So after everyone shared, I was inspired to make it into a song. Here is a rough demo recorded on my phone.

Executive Meetings

Executive meeting every week
tune in and see what’s new with the veep
they’re very important in all sorts of ways
here are a few that just might amaze

Heidi can twirl a baton in two ways
Helen can match up those colors for days
Jenn can sing all of Bing Crosby’s White Christmas
Anne makes ice water like nobody’s business

Executive meeting every week
tune and hear how scope creeps
they can do things that you never knew
too many to name but here’s just a few

Darren can wiggle his ears, did you know?
LaToya can name Golden Girls episodes
Teeyia can set up your old school hifi
And Jason can sing it and make it all rhyme

Executive people, they are the best
at doing odd things that no one expects
all of this useless talent concealed
stay tuned to see what the questions reveal

Here’s a jazzy little lovesong to Maile, my love. It struck me again recently how well she cares for Anais and me even when she’s busy, stressed and tired. She puts us first. She SHOWS us she loves us. I hope to do the same.

I’ll Show You

Gmaj7                Cmaj7
Hand in hand we trip down Sunday’s sidewalk
Gmaj7                Cmaj7
Making plans, trying on dreams together
Bm                     Am
Tell me when I hit the jackpot and
D7
You find the lens that brings it all in focus

Day by day we make a life together
Finding  ways to stir the peanut butter
Play the play and do our role reversals
Giving way, it’s just a dress rehearsal

Am                                     Bm
You don’t know how much you mean
D7
to me my love, my one and only
Am                     Bm
I need you to see how cool you’ve been
D7
my love…  I’ll show you

Eventually, we figure out a dinner
We find a seat and it’s our favorite server
Romantically binging on guilty pleasures
You tell me, Let’s see the world together

Am                                     Bm
You don’t know how much you mean
D7
to me my love, my one and only
Am                     Bm
I need you to see how cool you’ve been
D7
my love…  I’ll show you

Hand in hand we trip down Sunday’s sidewalk
Making plans, trying on dreams together
Tell me when I hit the jackpot and
You find the lens that brings it all in focus

View lyrics with chords at https://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/tab/j-molin/ill-show-you-chords-4044748.

Given this title, I reflected on the pause that I am learning can make such a big difference. This is the pause between feeling a strong emotion and acting on that feeling. Perhaps you’ve heard this advice: When you get angry, count to ten and just breath, wait for the passion to pass before doing something you’ll regret.

The same advice can be applied to a flash of fear or anxiety. As you feel the intense discomfort, notice how it peaks and begins to subside. Once you’ve noticed it you can begin to isolate the feeling from immediate action and separate the physical experience from a hot take on what it means.

This song is about that wisdom, gained from years of therapy. It’s about the triggers and traumas intense emotions bring back. It’s about applying a bit of the mindfulness I hope I am learning as I try to become a mature adult, a better husband, dad, friend and colleague.

The next level alluded to here, is to learn to separate my physical and emotional responses from what is happening in the world around me. It’s about recognizing how short-lived the chemical spike of emotions is.  When the emotion is at its most intense, the chemicals have already begun to subside. Let them subside before making a series of assumptions based on your past. Give them a moment before you make the situation worse by letting past traumas rebound and create new ones.

Just A Moment

Did he just say what I think he said?
A split second and I’m seeing red
All of a sudden it seems that I might have to fight

Well someone’s gotta say something now
This is something that I can’t allow
Now I’m starting to sweat and my chest feels tight

Just a moment… just a moment… just a moment like a meteorite
Give it a moment to burn up across the sky
Just a moment while I try not to light the dynamite

Oh my god, what did I just say?
Why did I take the bait and act that way?
I’ve been down this road and it doesn’t end well

I’m flashing back to my parent’s fights
I’m sayin anything to make it alright
If I’m gonna break the chain I’ve gotta break that spell

Just a moment… just a moment… just a moment to catastrophize
Give it a moment to burn up across the sky
Just a moment while I try not to light the dynamite

Just a moment… of atonement
Sitting with a feeling without trying to understand why
Just a moment… of postponement
To feel it in my body without some sad story applied
To see it in my mind without trying to hypothesize
Waiting for the storm to pass to take a walk and spend time outside

Every night about half-past ten
Someone lets a brood of devils in
They pour another drink and bring up things that I said/did

Sure they lie still they get to me
Playing on my insecurities
Now I need something strong just to steady my head

Just a moment… just a moment… just a moment while I try not to cry
Gimme a moment when I just want to get high
Just a moment so I can hide the dynamite
Just a moment to let it subside and feel alive
Just a moment to let it out and let in the light

After 14 months of pandemic isolation, it was my great pleasure to play PaigeFest again (for the third time) last weekend. Thanks to Mike Baskin for making it better than ever and having me back, not to mention posting this video of me doing a new song of mine called Begin Again.

Danny P joined Darrel, Gray and me (aka Icy Cinema) on Gray’s front porch for an ambient Easter evening. Gray set the recorder in the yard and captured all 2+ hrs. of ambiance, including background chat and Chachi barking. Enjoy the mix.

Here’s my space-cowboy diddy about traveling the vast plains within the small spaces we’ve been confined to and the ambiguous future we’re waiting for.

Up In The Air

I done my time in cell upstairs
I didn’t do the crime but nobody cares
We all made the mistake of lookin the other way
We shoulda learned by now but we’re still unprepared
And now it’s all up in the air

I’ve been ramblin round way out in west
Travelin day and night across my little nest
I’m countin the numbers under house arrest
Someday I’m gonna fly and kiss this mask goodbye
For now it’s all up in the air

I got a job herdin cattle all day
Ropin docs in my inbox across the superhighway
Ya gotta route those doggies before they go astray
At night I play solitaire before I send my evening prayers
Under my breath up in the air

View lyrics w chords at https://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/tab/j-molin/up-in-the-air-chords-3863126.

This song comes from hearing stories from frontline workers and minimum wage workers, being astounded at the trials they face, their generosity, and their resilience.

One thing I’ll say it’s been a day
I think I finally lost my faith
I try to give whatever I can
Only to have it slapped out of my hand
I spend all day caring for folks
that treat me like some kind of joke
I’m always doin for someone else
When do I get to do for myself?

Sugarcoat my love
Let me be with my sweet girl
Sugarcoat my love
Take away the bitter taste of this world

I’ve got a beat-up Chevrolet
I’ve got a payment I can’t barely pay
I’m driving deliveries and cleaning homes
Getting treated like some robot ghost
And now my heart feels like a fist
Getting tighter every-time I’m dismissed
I’m feelin crazy and bad tonight
I’m ragin in my cage ready to fight

Sugarcoat my love
Let me be with my sweet girl
Sugarcoat my love
Take away the bitter taste of this world

The bitter taste
of endless days
a nothing wage
of bills unpaid
of time apart
an aching heart
and for my pain
I get disdain

I’m doing better than before
I’m sorry that I walked out the door
I needed some time alone
But now I need to come back home
Please forgive my wild ways
I do what I do to make it through the day
What would I do without you
And your sweet love to pull me through

I’m gonna sugarcoat my love
Show you how I love my girl
Sugarcoat my love
And take away the bitter taste of this world